My mother had been in hell for a long time, while my father enjoyed his place of high honor upon the pedestal. Without notice, Mom became a sole proprietor, a single parent, and gained a broken heart. She plodded through her responsibilities, took Sunday afternoons to travel from bar to bar with my Aunty Eva at the steering wheel to drown her sorrows, but I never missed a meal or had a wrinkled shirt. I also never had a story read to me, experienced a spontaneous expression of affection, nor barely remembered her looking me in the eye.
I put her in hell. She should have been more available.
Dad died young and suddenly but in his short life he achieved POW medals, a reputation of being an outgoing, fun-loving, always interested in an adventure, and a generous, affable guy. He had a baseball field named after him, tales of affection told by aunts and uncles, and everyone loved him. He stayed on the pedestal for many years.
As maturity comes, our perspective of life widens as well, and although a single mom by choice, I still experienced the challenges of parenting alone. Often, I thought of my mother: cleaning, working, paying bills, cooking, ironing, and doing it alone. I started to see more of who she was.
My dad had been sick for a while and refused to go to the doctor. One day my mother held me up like a dangling carrot and begged him to go for medical assistance if not for her, for me. He died shortly after that. How selfish? Did you consider the possibility that your refusal to get help would have consequences to your family?
Both of my parents were human, deserving of high honors and carriers of weakness, ego, unresolved anger, and grief.
Today, my parents are both in their authentic positions of honor and accountability. They have given me their highest selves and gifted me with love, care, and an extraordinary endowment. This makes me a uniquely talented, unconventional, profoundly genuine woman who can go deep into intimate, soulful connections that heal and inspire. Unresolved grief from my parents offered me a path of my own to follow. In the seeking of my own healing on that path, I have found myself, my ancestors, and many miracles.