Fierce, Feminine, Focused Anger
I feel angry today, and it feels a little bit dangerous. Maybe because I do not know exactly where it is coming from, nor I do not know exactly where it is going. There is uncertainty with it. Uncertainty is uncomfortable. Uncertainty is scary.
I’m fighting with the emotion as it is churning inside of me, too. I’m battling with it to keep it pure, to not allow it to morph into tears, a more acceptable emotional expression for a woman. I am not sure who will win, but for now, I’m maintaining.
A smoldering fuse is simmering beneath the surface, and I’m the surface it’s simmering inside of. The lite fuse is connected to something else, and it is unknown exactly what that something else is, and what will happen when and if the fuse meets that big pile of something else, something resembling dynamite, something explosive inside of me.
Does the length of time that it has been simmering inside add potency to the eruption?
Once the explosion happens, then what? What will I be left with? What might those around me be left with? A volcanic eruption is rich in minerals, and while plants may be killed initially, the minerals will provide fertilizer for their comeback, but that can take years. The initial explosion has long-reaching effects on the environment.
What have I done in the past with the churning of anger inside of me to preempt its impact?
*I’ve eaten it.
*I try to figure it out all by myself.
*I’ve turned it inward into depression.
*I’ve denied it and put on a happy face.
*I’ve raged at someone else, or been passive-aggressive in subversive ways, hurting myself and often someone else.
I’m breathing now, and I am remembering that I am not new to feeling anger. I’m calling upon my maternal lineage, both blood lineage and 12 steps & personal growth lineage. I’m calling upon the women that have mentored me in my anger.
Here is what they have helped me to do when I forget:
*Breathe deeply and be honest. Yes, you are feeling anger.
*What wisdom is the anger offering you? Has someone crossed a boundary? Are you witnessing injustice in your life or in another person’s life?
*Anger is a vital force. Use it to protect who you are & take action on your own behalf. Is there a boundary needed to protect yourself or someone you are responsible to protect?
*Healthful anger combats shame. As women, we often carry shame for others’ bad behaviors. Let your anger delineate your own responsibility for your behavior & do not carry shame for anyone else. Give it back.
*Share your anger with safe allies in your life. Women and men that will hear you, not judge that you or the anger you are feeling are bad, honoring your authenticity.
*Remember, anger is a feeling. It is not a fact, nor is it wrong or negative emotion.
*Ask for help in developing skills in identifying anger, communicating it effectively, & using its vitality for focused, intentional actions.
Honoring my anger and letting myself stew a bit with it, allows the messages within its vitality to emerge. As these messages emerge, I can choose to direct the dynamic energy, and by the way, maybe what our world needs now is focused, fierce feminine anger for service, for boundaries, and for making a difference where a difference is needed.