One of the most courageous things we do in our life journey is to face our own addictions, wounds and family of origin issues. While I will never forget the physical pain of giving birth and the incredible sense of power getting to the other side of that process, walking daily with a Higher Power and taking responsibility for my life in all areas and in all ways draws strength and power even more deeply from my core.
In addiction and trauma recovery, it is challenging to keep the focus on ourselves. In our relationships and codependency recovery it is even more challenging since many women come into relationship and family of origin healing because of a partnership with another. It becomes a habit to focus on the other’s behavior. Eventually, however, if we are to truly commit to living an emotionally and spiritually mature life, we must come to seeing ourselves as responsible for where our life is right here and right now. We are not victims to what happens to us in our lives. Yes, we were victimized and traumatized. Incest, sexual assault, betrayal, emotional and physical abuse is real. We don’t take responsibility for what has happened to us and there is genuine grief to experience over these losses. We do, however, take responsibility for what will happen to us from this day forward and how we will heal from past hurts.
In order to grow ourselves up, own our power, reconnect to our intuitive wisdom and learn the mastery of our own boundaries and voice, we must ask ourselves, “What’s at risk for letting go of being a victim in my own life?” There is a payoff in keeping ourselves small and voiceless once we are aware. When we are able to be honest about this, we begin to access our choices around it. Awareness, painful as it may be, leads to choice.
When I asked myself recently “what was at risk for me to do something different in my marriage” I was faced with the part of me that doesn’t want to grow up. Although I’ve done father loss and reparenting work for years, there is still a small, fatherless little girl inside who misses her dad. In fully embracing my voice and power in my marriage, I give up the fantasy that my husband is going to fill the daddy void inside. These awarenesses are subtle and in seeing the subtleties, there is great power and continued choice in my life today.
In all our addictive behavior and most especially in the dynamic of relationship patterns and codependency, answering the “What’s at risk?” question honestly gifts us abundantly. We have another opportunity for deeper connection to ourselves and others. We see choices more clearly and experience greater freedom. There is less likelihood that we blame our partners when we are hurt or triggered. We are empowered adults, strong and intuitive women and men when we honestly own our payoffs for staying small and victimized.
Simple tools like asking and answering the question, “What’s at risk?” intervenes on old patterns with force. Addictive patterns are intervened upon and the opportunity for a new way of being and an authentic connection with another is presented to us.
For more details information on “What’s at risk?” follow this link: WorkingTheRisks
Blessings and love to you on your journey,